So yesterday Phillip and I traded cars for the next couple of days. He just happened to be driving my car home from work last night when it shut off in the middle of the interstate during rush hour. He was able to get to the side of the road and called me. Dumb founded we were. Frustrated, to say the least.
So I we went to pick him up off the interstate and waited with him until the tow truck came. They loaded my car up and took it off. As soon as Phillip got into the car he started swatting his leg and yelling, "Oww! Owww! Owwww!" He had stepped in an ant pile and they were swarming his leg! There was no where to pull over so I stepped on the pedal and flew down the interstate only to pull off in a neigboring ghetto and swung in to the first driveway I could. We start picking off the ants that we could see and they just kept coming out of no where. He took his shoes and socks off and at a last resort took his pants off. I was dying laughing thinking of the scene and what in the world the neighbors were thinking. We both were praying that the cops wouldn't show up for indecent exposure. As the scene played out we could only imagine the cops showing up with their guns pointing at us and Phillip keep leaning down swatting at the ants crawling all over him and what the cops would think and do. Not good. We finally got the situation under control and his pants back on and headed home.
As soon as we got home I noticed the answering machine light blinking. I pressed play and heard the following, "If you would like to renew your car warranty please press "1."
Are you kidding me!?!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
The Great Debate
No I'm not talking about the upcoming VP Presidential debates. Again I'm talking about myself. :) Or should I say My family. It's been a long time since posting much about what has been going on with all of the infertility stuff. That's because not much has been going on. After the miscarriage Doc said that I needed to take some time off. During the past month and a half we've been really searching our hearts and praying as to where we should go with all of this stuff.
Let me preface all of this before I continue. Last summer God told me that He was not done with us and that we would have more children. I do not doubt this but as how we get to that point is what I'm struggling with. It is obviously not in my timing because I would have conceived and had another baby by now! lol
Let me preface all of this before I continue. Last summer God told me that He was not done with us and that we would have more children. I do not doubt this but as how we get to that point is what I'm struggling with. It is obviously not in my timing because I would have conceived and had another baby by now! lol
Continue treatments? VS Let go and let God?
If we continue treatments God is still in control. God gave these Dr.'s their special gift and interest to be in the fertility field. Their job is to get my body into the best condition to conceive. It's God's timing as to when these two come together and I actually do get pregnant.
God knows how many children we will have and how many hairs they will have on their little heads. God is a miracle worker and if we are meant to have another child then He will provide.
Each path God is in control. I have surrendered everything over to Him already. We are still praying and waiting for God to answer our prayers as to which way to go. Please keep us in your prayers and ask that God show us the way.
I'll let you all know how God leads us. :)
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Why Moms Need to Vote
*I read this in the October 2008 Parents Magazine and thought this was so important to share. No matter what party affiliation you are, we as women need to vote.*
Growing up in the '80s, I considered myself a Republican, inspired by Alex Keaton on Family Ties. Then I became an Independent. Then a card-carrying Democrat with Green-leaning tendencies. These days, I'm something greater than all these put together.
I am a mother.
By "greater," I don't mean "better" in a condescending, you'd-understand-if-you-had-kids sort of way. I mean that since becoming a parent, I've tapped into something more primal, more global, more far-reaching and intuitive than a political loyalty. Yes, I (usually) identify with a particular party, but I'll back any politician, any bill or measure that I believe to be in the best interest of children. My kids. Iraqi kids. Sudanese kids. Your kids.
There was a time when I let other people decide the issues and tell me what to support, whom to put my faith in, how to live my life. Not anymore- not by a long shot. Today I'm a woman with a mind of my own. You may be one too. Call us members of the Mothering Party.
I've read reports showing that only about half of all eligible American voters cast their ballot in presidential elections. Though I haven't seen any statistics specifically regarding mothers, I would argue that the number is also too low: In light of our collective power, I think that anything less than a 100 percent turnout by the more than 80 million moms in the United States could rightly be called too few.
The problem is not just our failure to vote. It's also our hesitation (frequently inpired- it's true- by exhaustion) to stand up, speak out, and rock the boat even as we're rocking the cradle. It's our failure to recognize, celebrate, and effectively seize the vast power inherent in the mothering role: power that we wield whenever we shop, whenever we speak, whenever we choose to take (or not to take) a stand.
I realize, or course, that mothers carry a heavy enough burden without being told we need to do more in the political realm. Sometimes, just getting through the day is tough enough. When your house is a veritable disater zone, when you're trying to b urp the baby and stock the fridge and find time to pay the bills and pick up one kid from a playdate before driving across town to another one's band concert- really, who's got the time to worry about immigration and national health care and fluorocarbons and Gitmo and the future of Roe v. Wade? Some days, it's just easier to block it all out, curl up on the sofa with a pint of Ben & Jerry's, watch American Idol, and hope that somebody else will step up and fix things.
Except no one else is stepping up. And if we truly want to leave our children a world that's worth living in, we moms are going to have to fix it ourselves.
A few years ago, I saw a television documentary about female leaders in developing countries. One woman from a war-torn nation said something to the effect of: "If women were the ones who came to the table to negotiate peace, none of us would leave until an agreement had been reached - because we know that women and children are the ones who will suffer the consequences if we don't."
In the 1960s, Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream. Later, John Lennon had a dream. We all have dreams, and here is mine: that one day, all mothers will use their political power and voice not in the way that the media and our husbands, pastors, fathers, and politcal leaders direct us to, but rather as we're led by our personal wisdom, our deepest intuition, our maternal instinct.
I dream of a day when the image of a woman with a child in tow is the first one that comes to mind when people hear the word "activist." I envision a country in which voters' primary concerns revolve not around oil and money, but around the issues facing families and children, issues like health care, education, paid family leave, and flexible workplaces. I imagine what it will be like when the most active political groups in the world are not those obsessed with winning a war, but those determined to win the peace. I picture a day when the driving force behind politics in my country is not power or money, but maternal love.
If my experience raising three children has taught me one thing, it's this: There is no more powerful political act than mothering. There is no greater reason than my children for me to become politically involved, and there is no more important work to put my efforts to than those things that will make this world a better, safer place for my kids. And your kids too.
From the book The Maternal Is Political, edited by Shari MacDonald Strong. Excerpted by arrangement with Seal Press, a member of the Perseus Books Group. Copyright 2008. Parents Magazine.
Growing up in the '80s, I considered myself a Republican, inspired by Alex Keaton on Family Ties. Then I became an Independent. Then a card-carrying Democrat with Green-leaning tendencies. These days, I'm something greater than all these put together.
I am a mother.
By "greater," I don't mean "better" in a condescending, you'd-understand-if-you-had-kids sort of way. I mean that since becoming a parent, I've tapped into something more primal, more global, more far-reaching and intuitive than a political loyalty. Yes, I (usually) identify with a particular party, but I'll back any politician, any bill or measure that I believe to be in the best interest of children. My kids. Iraqi kids. Sudanese kids. Your kids.
There was a time when I let other people decide the issues and tell me what to support, whom to put my faith in, how to live my life. Not anymore- not by a long shot. Today I'm a woman with a mind of my own. You may be one too. Call us members of the Mothering Party.
I've read reports showing that only about half of all eligible American voters cast their ballot in presidential elections. Though I haven't seen any statistics specifically regarding mothers, I would argue that the number is also too low: In light of our collective power, I think that anything less than a 100 percent turnout by the more than 80 million moms in the United States could rightly be called too few.
The problem is not just our failure to vote. It's also our hesitation (frequently inpired- it's true- by exhaustion) to stand up, speak out, and rock the boat even as we're rocking the cradle. It's our failure to recognize, celebrate, and effectively seize the vast power inherent in the mothering role: power that we wield whenever we shop, whenever we speak, whenever we choose to take (or not to take) a stand.
I realize, or course, that mothers carry a heavy enough burden without being told we need to do more in the political realm. Sometimes, just getting through the day is tough enough. When your house is a veritable disater zone, when you're trying to b urp the baby and stock the fridge and find time to pay the bills and pick up one kid from a playdate before driving across town to another one's band concert- really, who's got the time to worry about immigration and national health care and fluorocarbons and Gitmo and the future of Roe v. Wade? Some days, it's just easier to block it all out, curl up on the sofa with a pint of Ben & Jerry's, watch American Idol, and hope that somebody else will step up and fix things.
Except no one else is stepping up. And if we truly want to leave our children a world that's worth living in, we moms are going to have to fix it ourselves.
A few years ago, I saw a television documentary about female leaders in developing countries. One woman from a war-torn nation said something to the effect of: "If women were the ones who came to the table to negotiate peace, none of us would leave until an agreement had been reached - because we know that women and children are the ones who will suffer the consequences if we don't."
In the 1960s, Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream. Later, John Lennon had a dream. We all have dreams, and here is mine: that one day, all mothers will use their political power and voice not in the way that the media and our husbands, pastors, fathers, and politcal leaders direct us to, but rather as we're led by our personal wisdom, our deepest intuition, our maternal instinct.
I dream of a day when the image of a woman with a child in tow is the first one that comes to mind when people hear the word "activist." I envision a country in which voters' primary concerns revolve not around oil and money, but around the issues facing families and children, issues like health care, education, paid family leave, and flexible workplaces. I imagine what it will be like when the most active political groups in the world are not those obsessed with winning a war, but those determined to win the peace. I picture a day when the driving force behind politics in my country is not power or money, but maternal love.
If my experience raising three children has taught me one thing, it's this: There is no more powerful political act than mothering. There is no greater reason than my children for me to become politically involved, and there is no more important work to put my efforts to than those things that will make this world a better, safer place for my kids. And your kids too.
From the book The Maternal Is Political, edited by Shari MacDonald Strong. Excerpted by arrangement with Seal Press, a member of the Perseus Books Group. Copyright 2008. Parents Magazine.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Me, Myself and I
Last week I was working at my sucky job while Emma was at MDO. This week I filled my two days up with me time! The first day was spent going to the OB/GYN to get my annual exam. It's one of those must have done things. It's been well over a year since I had my last and I know it's not Emma's favorite place to go with me and I don't blame her. So that's how I spent my first day.
My second day I really did something for myself. I went on a bike ride! A bike ride that kicked my butt! For someone who used to ride her bike all of the time to someone who hardly rides it was very challenging. You ask how far did I go? 5 miles! Yes ladies and gentleman. Five very hard miles. I got off my bike and said to myself, "This sucks!" "This was not as fun as I wanted it to be." I can go from riding 8 miles in North Carolina to 17 at the beach to a measley 5 miles in Birmingham? Trust me it was way more hilly than I expected and I chose this route because it was the least hilly route that I could have taken near my house. I SUCK!!! But I guess that means I have to ride more often and harder. Maybe I'll try again next week.
My second day I really did something for myself. I went on a bike ride! A bike ride that kicked my butt! For someone who used to ride her bike all of the time to someone who hardly rides it was very challenging. You ask how far did I go? 5 miles! Yes ladies and gentleman. Five very hard miles. I got off my bike and said to myself, "This sucks!" "This was not as fun as I wanted it to be." I can go from riding 8 miles in North Carolina to 17 at the beach to a measley 5 miles in Birmingham? Trust me it was way more hilly than I expected and I chose this route because it was the least hilly route that I could have taken near my house. I SUCK!!! But I guess that means I have to ride more often and harder. Maybe I'll try again next week.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
My Life Currently...
is going 90 miles a minute hardly having any time to stop. I'm sorry for the lack of posting lately. I don't have to much to write about except what's going on in Emma's life. :) I could write about the funny things she does all day long. So here's what I've been up to in a nut shell.
Since the dreaded mis-carriage last month we've not done any fertility treatments. It's actually been really nice. We've been so busy that I know I haven't thought about it all that much and I don't think Phillip has as well. I'm not sure where that road is going to take us but we remain in prayer about it and will follow where the Lord leads us. So as of now we are not sure when or if I will restart the process. For now we are enjoying the treatment free life and taking life as it comes.
I started a part time job. I quit the part time job. It totally sucked. I think I was trying to relive my glory highschool days. I wanted to help Phillip out a little and try and make an extra few bucks that I could use to buy clothes, get my hair done, shop, etc... It totally wasn't a glamorous place that I chose to work but it was less than 2 miles from our house and they were super flexible with the hours that I could work. It was a grocery store where I was to be a cashier as I was in highschool. This by far was my all time favorite job that I've had. What better place to meet my neighbors and get some adult interaction?
There was obviously a huge communication problem from the get go that started with the management. I didn't realize this until the day I quit. My first day I cashiered and had a blast. I was only working 3 hours that day so it wasn't a big deal. The problems started Saturday night. I walked in and worked the register for maybe 2 hours. The rest of the night I was told that my duty was to clean, sweep and mop all 9 of the registers. Ok I was pissed. No one talked to me, introduced themselves to me or wore a smile on their face. I felt like I was in a dream. Isn't this the place where they say, "Where Shopping is a Pleasure." and for the employees, "Where Working is a Pleasure?" All the while, I was praying that the Lord just give me a servants heart and to keep a smile on my face so that I could represent Him and not be a total b***h. What I really felt like was I was being hazed because I was the new girl. I made it through the night and end the end I felt ok about things. The registers sparkled and you could eat off the floor once I was done.
Sunday I went back with a better attitude ready to meet some new friends and neighbors. I asked for my till and the guy looked at me like I had horns growing out of my head and told me that I was on the schedule as front service. Meaning bagger. I stopped cold in my tracks and thought to myself, "Oh no. Not another bad night." I put a smile on my face, carried my till to a register and then proceeded to bag groceries for other cashiers. I was thinking to myself, "what the hell?" How did I get the shaft again? After I came back from dinner I guess they figured I hadn't been tortured enough they told me that my duties for that evening were to clean the upstairs. This included sweeping, mopping, cleaning both the mens and women's restroom, cleaning the break room and taking the trash out. I about choked on my own spit when they said I would have to clean the bathrooms. It is definitely not my favorite thing to do in my own house.
The next day I called in a quit. One of the managers told me that she was told that I was hired on as a front service person. I was told that I was going to be a cashier. Why would I have been trained as a cashier if I was only going to be a bagger? Duh... She said she would have the store manager call me to talk about my experience but have I heard from her yet? I think not.
I truely value my time with Phillip and Emma. I would not give it up for the world and I realize I would do anything, sell anything, cut anything out, scarifice anything to be able to stay at home and be with my family. I'm so appreciative for Phillip providing for us and all of the hard work he puts in daily and thank the Lord for him everyday. I am truely blessed.
Lastly, my precious little one, Emma, started Mother's Day Out last week. She goes twice a week and is having an absolute blast. She's a little social butterfly and loves being with and around other little ones. I can't wait to see her grow and enjoy this fun time in her life. I'm so excited for her and she's made it a super easy transition for me. As soon as we get to school she's chomping at the bit to get out of the car. She gives me hugs and kisses and is off to her room. No tears or tugging just excited to be with her friends. This time gives me the opportunity to go to Dr.'s appointments, grocery shopping and running errands. I know those were not her absolute favorite places to go but she humored me when I would take her with me. Try bringing a two year old to the dentist with you! lol Yes, I would bring her to the dentist with me. I had no other choice and it makes for some great stories. We do well working with what we've been given. :) So I am very happy to say, I'm back to being CEO of The Martin Family. The best job in the world.
So that's my crazy life in the last month. I'll be sure and post more often. I do a much better job keeping up with Martin Times since I post mostly pictures and little snipits of our life over there. This is more of my therapy blog! lol I hope this all finds you doing well and look forward to catching up on everyone's blog Friday!
Love,
Me
Since the dreaded mis-carriage last month we've not done any fertility treatments. It's actually been really nice. We've been so busy that I know I haven't thought about it all that much and I don't think Phillip has as well. I'm not sure where that road is going to take us but we remain in prayer about it and will follow where the Lord leads us. So as of now we are not sure when or if I will restart the process. For now we are enjoying the treatment free life and taking life as it comes.
I started a part time job. I quit the part time job. It totally sucked. I think I was trying to relive my glory highschool days. I wanted to help Phillip out a little and try and make an extra few bucks that I could use to buy clothes, get my hair done, shop, etc... It totally wasn't a glamorous place that I chose to work but it was less than 2 miles from our house and they were super flexible with the hours that I could work. It was a grocery store where I was to be a cashier as I was in highschool. This by far was my all time favorite job that I've had. What better place to meet my neighbors and get some adult interaction?
There was obviously a huge communication problem from the get go that started with the management. I didn't realize this until the day I quit. My first day I cashiered and had a blast. I was only working 3 hours that day so it wasn't a big deal. The problems started Saturday night. I walked in and worked the register for maybe 2 hours. The rest of the night I was told that my duty was to clean, sweep and mop all 9 of the registers. Ok I was pissed. No one talked to me, introduced themselves to me or wore a smile on their face. I felt like I was in a dream. Isn't this the place where they say, "Where Shopping is a Pleasure." and for the employees, "Where Working is a Pleasure?" All the while, I was praying that the Lord just give me a servants heart and to keep a smile on my face so that I could represent Him and not be a total b***h. What I really felt like was I was being hazed because I was the new girl. I made it through the night and end the end I felt ok about things. The registers sparkled and you could eat off the floor once I was done.
Sunday I went back with a better attitude ready to meet some new friends and neighbors. I asked for my till and the guy looked at me like I had horns growing out of my head and told me that I was on the schedule as front service. Meaning bagger. I stopped cold in my tracks and thought to myself, "Oh no. Not another bad night." I put a smile on my face, carried my till to a register and then proceeded to bag groceries for other cashiers. I was thinking to myself, "what the hell?" How did I get the shaft again? After I came back from dinner I guess they figured I hadn't been tortured enough they told me that my duties for that evening were to clean the upstairs. This included sweeping, mopping, cleaning both the mens and women's restroom, cleaning the break room and taking the trash out. I about choked on my own spit when they said I would have to clean the bathrooms. It is definitely not my favorite thing to do in my own house.
The next day I called in a quit. One of the managers told me that she was told that I was hired on as a front service person. I was told that I was going to be a cashier. Why would I have been trained as a cashier if I was only going to be a bagger? Duh... She said she would have the store manager call me to talk about my experience but have I heard from her yet? I think not.
I truely value my time with Phillip and Emma. I would not give it up for the world and I realize I would do anything, sell anything, cut anything out, scarifice anything to be able to stay at home and be with my family. I'm so appreciative for Phillip providing for us and all of the hard work he puts in daily and thank the Lord for him everyday. I am truely blessed.
Lastly, my precious little one, Emma, started Mother's Day Out last week. She goes twice a week and is having an absolute blast. She's a little social butterfly and loves being with and around other little ones. I can't wait to see her grow and enjoy this fun time in her life. I'm so excited for her and she's made it a super easy transition for me. As soon as we get to school she's chomping at the bit to get out of the car. She gives me hugs and kisses and is off to her room. No tears or tugging just excited to be with her friends. This time gives me the opportunity to go to Dr.'s appointments, grocery shopping and running errands. I know those were not her absolute favorite places to go but she humored me when I would take her with me. Try bringing a two year old to the dentist with you! lol Yes, I would bring her to the dentist with me. I had no other choice and it makes for some great stories. We do well working with what we've been given. :) So I am very happy to say, I'm back to being CEO of The Martin Family. The best job in the world.
So that's my crazy life in the last month. I'll be sure and post more often. I do a much better job keeping up with Martin Times since I post mostly pictures and little snipits of our life over there. This is more of my therapy blog! lol I hope this all finds you doing well and look forward to catching up on everyone's blog Friday!
Love,
Me
Hormones Suck
I'm 28 years old and NOT a member of the "Hair Club for Women" but thinking I should be.
What goes around comes around. If you say you would never do something; it almost always comes back to bite you in the butt.
What I'm talking about and hating at the moment is this darned hair growth. How many women out there feel me? Have you ever been standing in a grocery line and the woman in front of you has a big long black hair growing out of a mole or a hairy chin? Do you find random long hairs on your body in random places and wonder what the heck is that doing there? Come on people. Feel me here.
I just can't pluck enough. I try and try. I carry tweezers around with me so if I'm in different light I can do a quick check in the mirror to make sure I didn't miss one. I guess it's hormones but it's so disturbing. I'm 28 and feel like it's out of control.
"Maybe I'm just having a bad hair day..."
What goes around comes around. If you say you would never do something; it almost always comes back to bite you in the butt.
What I'm talking about and hating at the moment is this darned hair growth. How many women out there feel me? Have you ever been standing in a grocery line and the woman in front of you has a big long black hair growing out of a mole or a hairy chin? Do you find random long hairs on your body in random places and wonder what the heck is that doing there? Come on people. Feel me here.
I just can't pluck enough. I try and try. I carry tweezers around with me so if I'm in different light I can do a quick check in the mirror to make sure I didn't miss one. I guess it's hormones but it's so disturbing. I'm 28 and feel like it's out of control.
"Maybe I'm just having a bad hair day..."
Monday, August 18, 2008
My Lessons
I am sorry that I haven't written much on this blog lately. What's there to say these days? We've picked up our lives and are moving on with things. One blessing in all of this is that we do have one precious little girl in our lives already. It's hard to be sad and depressed when she greets you with smiles, kisses and hugs every morning? I have a little one to raise and there's no time to waste being upset. She keeps me moving and reminds me everyday of the miracle she is to us.
Two things God has taught me in all of this.
1) Emma, my precious miracle baby is enough. She's my joy and my heart. I couldn't imagine life without her. We are immensely blessed with her in our lives and she is enough. God couldn't have given us a more perfect gift. I am so thankful for her.
2) Going through fertility treatments you loose sight of many things. You are focused on one thing and one thing only and are driven until you receive the desired results. Those of you who have children understand that it's easy to put your children first and make sure that they are taken care of. I'm guilty of that and God has convicted me on this. Phillip and I need to take better care of each other. We haven't gone out on a date in many months which is greatly needed. We need to work on doing things for each other first. Bringing a second child into the picture will only make things harder.
Please don't mistake me for thinking we are in trouble because it isn't. No one told me that marriage is a lot of work. It's so easy to forget the little things you used to do before your children came along. I just want to remember the nice things we did for each other. Remember what it was like when we were dating. Getting dressed up. Doing your hair. Wearing make-up.
It's funny because we have been trying to plan a special trip for our 5 year anniversary coming up this November. Every time we think of a place we both say, "Oh Emma would love doing that." "Don't you want to bring Emma with us?" Even though we really want to take her with us and it will be hard to leave without her I think it'll do us good to get away. We've had a heck of a year so far and we just need a nice break. Not really a break from her just some time to be together.
Anyways, thank you all for your prayers and your thoughts. It's been a very hard time but it's also been a good time. God is good. We truely believe that and we know he has plans for each of us. Even our little baby we lost. It all works to His greater glory.
Two things God has taught me in all of this.
1) Emma, my precious miracle baby is enough. She's my joy and my heart. I couldn't imagine life without her. We are immensely blessed with her in our lives and she is enough. God couldn't have given us a more perfect gift. I am so thankful for her.
2) Going through fertility treatments you loose sight of many things. You are focused on one thing and one thing only and are driven until you receive the desired results. Those of you who have children understand that it's easy to put your children first and make sure that they are taken care of. I'm guilty of that and God has convicted me on this. Phillip and I need to take better care of each other. We haven't gone out on a date in many months which is greatly needed. We need to work on doing things for each other first. Bringing a second child into the picture will only make things harder.
Please don't mistake me for thinking we are in trouble because it isn't. No one told me that marriage is a lot of work. It's so easy to forget the little things you used to do before your children came along. I just want to remember the nice things we did for each other. Remember what it was like when we were dating. Getting dressed up. Doing your hair. Wearing make-up.
It's funny because we have been trying to plan a special trip for our 5 year anniversary coming up this November. Every time we think of a place we both say, "Oh Emma would love doing that." "Don't you want to bring Emma with us?" Even though we really want to take her with us and it will be hard to leave without her I think it'll do us good to get away. We've had a heck of a year so far and we just need a nice break. Not really a break from her just some time to be together.
Anyways, thank you all for your prayers and your thoughts. It's been a very hard time but it's also been a good time. God is good. We truely believe that and we know he has plans for each of us. Even our little baby we lost. It all works to His greater glory.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
~Part 2~
**Read Part 1 first (It's right below this one.)**
As of last Thursday I was 8 weeks and 2 days pregnant. 6 weeks and 2 days past ovulation and 3 weeks and 2 days since I knew I found out I was pregnant.
July 4th I started spotting and from that day I haven't stopped. All along the Dr.'s and nurses said this was all "normal." Other women that had had babies said that they spotted and had successful pregnancies and that I shouldn't worry. This pregnancy was different. Much different than my pregnancy with Emma. I got waves of nausea where my stomach would feel icky but nothing major. No throwing up or anything like that. I didn't have headaches like with Emma but had such fierce heartburn that I already finished one bottle of Tums. In the back of my mind though I just didn't feel like spotting was ok.
Saturday July 19th in the middle of the night I woke up cramping. It continued into Sunday and lasted all day. It was so bad at times that I could hardly stand or walk. We made it to church after looking on the Internet. I found my symptoms and concluded that I had "round ligament pain." That evening it all went away.
July 29th around 6pm I got the horrible cramps again. This time I just went and sat on the toilet. I couldn't think of anything else to do. The pain wouldn't let up. It lasted about an hour and went away. I felt one time a contraction like pain but that was it. I called the Dr. the next day and told them I wanted an ultrasound done. They did one with Emma when I was seven weeks along so I knew they would be able to make sure everything was ok. They told me to come in Thursday July 31st.
So Phillip, Emma and I went to the Dr.'s office on Thursday. I was excited and wanted them there so they could see the babies heart beat for the first time. We've been talking to Emma about the baby already and she's so excited. Phillip and I discussed the possibility that the appointment could not go the way we wanted it to go but we both tried to be really positive. After all, I was still spotting and after the cramping I never bled more than normal and never passed any large clots. I had nothing to fear since I knew I was having round ligament pain.
Nurse L started the ultrasound and we all just sat there in silence. I knew what was she was looking at and what she was looking for. I remember what it looked like the first time we saw Emma's little beating heart on the monitor. We sat there with our breath's held knowing what was coming next. Nothing. No beating heart. No baby anymore. I had miscarried.
We were taken into a room to wait for the Dr. to come in and we just cried. We had come so far and now there was no baby. All of the excitement and the planning was for not. My heart broke. The Dr. confirmed the diagnosis but said we needed to wait for the bloodwork to come back to see what was going on inside. He said I was definitely pregnant and I had either miscarried during the cramping and continue to do so, the baby is growing somewhere other than my uterus or lastely it's an ectopic pregnancy.
The bloodwork has shown that it's not an ectopic pregnancy and that the baby is not growing somewhere else in my body. I've miscarried and am continuing to spot and will continue to do so until everything has cleared out of my body. I thank the Lord everyday that my experience with a miscarriage has not been daunting. I've had no pain other than the few times I cramped. Emotionally I'm spent. I'm tired physically and emotionally. These last two years have been all consumming trying to have another baby. We have so much to be thankful for and are so blessed to have one of God's gifts already. We want so much for Emma to have a brother or sister. I truely believe that the Lord is not done with me or us. I have much to pray for going forward. For now I think we'll take a break.
Thank you all for your prayers, concern, interest and excitement through all of the ups and downs. This difficult time is still not over. I'm still being monitored to make sure that things have cleared out and the feelings are still very raw. I'm not sure where this journey will take us next but I'm sure it'll be an interesting one. God has a plan for us and we are excited to see what He has in store. He is good. He is faithful. We may not be able to spend our earthly days with this baby but we all look forward to spending eternity with it. In it's tiny 8 weeks and 2 days of life it sure was loved.
July 4th I started spotting and from that day I haven't stopped. All along the Dr.'s and nurses said this was all "normal." Other women that had had babies said that they spotted and had successful pregnancies and that I shouldn't worry. This pregnancy was different. Much different than my pregnancy with Emma. I got waves of nausea where my stomach would feel icky but nothing major. No throwing up or anything like that. I didn't have headaches like with Emma but had such fierce heartburn that I already finished one bottle of Tums. In the back of my mind though I just didn't feel like spotting was ok.
Saturday July 19th in the middle of the night I woke up cramping. It continued into Sunday and lasted all day. It was so bad at times that I could hardly stand or walk. We made it to church after looking on the Internet. I found my symptoms and concluded that I had "round ligament pain." That evening it all went away.
July 29th around 6pm I got the horrible cramps again. This time I just went and sat on the toilet. I couldn't think of anything else to do. The pain wouldn't let up. It lasted about an hour and went away. I felt one time a contraction like pain but that was it. I called the Dr. the next day and told them I wanted an ultrasound done. They did one with Emma when I was seven weeks along so I knew they would be able to make sure everything was ok. They told me to come in Thursday July 31st.
So Phillip, Emma and I went to the Dr.'s office on Thursday. I was excited and wanted them there so they could see the babies heart beat for the first time. We've been talking to Emma about the baby already and she's so excited. Phillip and I discussed the possibility that the appointment could not go the way we wanted it to go but we both tried to be really positive. After all, I was still spotting and after the cramping I never bled more than normal and never passed any large clots. I had nothing to fear since I knew I was having round ligament pain.
Nurse L started the ultrasound and we all just sat there in silence. I knew what was she was looking at and what she was looking for. I remember what it looked like the first time we saw Emma's little beating heart on the monitor. We sat there with our breath's held knowing what was coming next. Nothing. No beating heart. No baby anymore. I had miscarried.
We were taken into a room to wait for the Dr. to come in and we just cried. We had come so far and now there was no baby. All of the excitement and the planning was for not. My heart broke. The Dr. confirmed the diagnosis but said we needed to wait for the bloodwork to come back to see what was going on inside. He said I was definitely pregnant and I had either miscarried during the cramping and continue to do so, the baby is growing somewhere other than my uterus or lastely it's an ectopic pregnancy.
The bloodwork has shown that it's not an ectopic pregnancy and that the baby is not growing somewhere else in my body. I've miscarried and am continuing to spot and will continue to do so until everything has cleared out of my body. I thank the Lord everyday that my experience with a miscarriage has not been daunting. I've had no pain other than the few times I cramped. Emotionally I'm spent. I'm tired physically and emotionally. These last two years have been all consumming trying to have another baby. We have so much to be thankful for and are so blessed to have one of God's gifts already. We want so much for Emma to have a brother or sister. I truely believe that the Lord is not done with me or us. I have much to pray for going forward. For now I think we'll take a break.
Thank you all for your prayers, concern, interest and excitement through all of the ups and downs. This difficult time is still not over. I'm still being monitored to make sure that things have cleared out and the feelings are still very raw. I'm not sure where this journey will take us next but I'm sure it'll be an interesting one. God has a plan for us and we are excited to see what He has in store. He is good. He is faithful. We may not be able to spend our earthly days with this baby but we all look forward to spending eternity with it. In it's tiny 8 weeks and 2 days of life it sure was loved.
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart..."
Jeremiah 1:5
Monday, August 4, 2008
God's Miracle ~ Part 1 ~
I know it's been a long time since I last posted on here. Life has taken us on a definite adventure ride full of ups and unfortunate downs. But here is Part 1 and I'll get Part 2 up soon.
**I wrote this July 8th, 2008**
After 7 at home pregnancy tests which all came up negative and spotting on Sunday we were totally bummed. My initial test at home was Wednesday and after we got the results I called my nurse and she said if I hadn't started my period by the following Monday to come in to the office and they would give me a blood test.
We went back and forth about whether I should even go to the Dr.'s and waste the gas to get there knowing that the blood test would come back negative. But if we wanted to continue treatments then I would have to have the test first to rule things out.
Like always we got up early and made the trip downtown. I sat down in the chair and she took my blood and I told her how I was over the whole thing and that I had already done 7 tests and I didn't know why I was here. Ms. Pam (the lab lady) asked me if I wanted to wait for the results and that it would only take 15 minutes. I contemplated whether to risk getting a parking ticket (which I've already had one last month) since I parked at the 15 minute meter. I decided what the heck and waited.
Emma and I were outside waiting when nurse Priscilla walked out of the door holding a piece of paper and a stick while Ms. Pam was beside her talking on the cell phone. I thought Ms. Pam brought Priscilla out with her to tell me the bad news. I shook my head to indicate that I wasn't pregnant and she gave me an odd look and told me to look closer.
**I wrote this July 8th, 2008**
After 7 at home pregnancy tests which all came up negative and spotting on Sunday we were totally bummed. My initial test at home was Wednesday and after we got the results I called my nurse and she said if I hadn't started my period by the following Monday to come in to the office and they would give me a blood test.
We went back and forth about whether I should even go to the Dr.'s and waste the gas to get there knowing that the blood test would come back negative. But if we wanted to continue treatments then I would have to have the test first to rule things out.
Like always we got up early and made the trip downtown. I sat down in the chair and she took my blood and I told her how I was over the whole thing and that I had already done 7 tests and I didn't know why I was here. Ms. Pam (the lab lady) asked me if I wanted to wait for the results and that it would only take 15 minutes. I contemplated whether to risk getting a parking ticket (which I've already had one last month) since I parked at the 15 minute meter. I decided what the heck and waited.
Emma and I were outside waiting when nurse Priscilla walked out of the door holding a piece of paper and a stick while Ms. Pam was beside her talking on the cell phone. I thought Ms. Pam brought Priscilla out with her to tell me the bad news. I shook my head to indicate that I wasn't pregnant and she gave me an odd look and told me to look closer.
I'M PREGNANT! IT'S POSITIVE!
I immediately started bawling my eyes out in total shock and disbelief because I was 100% for sure talked myself out of any chance of being pregnant. What a miracle! Next thing I know Ms. Pam is putting the cell phone up to my ear and it's my nurse Leanne. She was hootin and hollerin in the phone saying how God is so good! She said the next time I saw her that I was getting big hugs. Once I settled down and got myself together we left the office. I was told that they would monitor me real close and that I would have to come back in 2 days to make sure my levels were increasing.
I wanted to do something really cool for Phillip to tell him that I was pregnant but my mind was not functioning at all. He was already calling me on my cell phone to see how the appt went and I didn't answer. There was no way I could tell him on the phone and I certainly couldn't lie to him. There was no way I could wait until he got home from work that day to surprise him and do something cool. So Emma and I decided to go to his work and show him the test and the paper they gave me.
When we got to his work he wasn't in his office so we waited for him. Usually I try to look somewhat decent when we go visit him but today I was tragic in some gym shorts and a t-shirt and Emma had her funky outfit on that she picked out. lol He came in and shut the door and I told him to look at the paper. He scanned it and stopped. Looked up at me with a big smile and said, "You're pregnant!?!" I showed him the stick and he started jumping up and down. Shocked and excited can hardly explain the emotions.
It's been 1 1/2 since starting treatments and almost 2 years since we decided to start trying. It's been a long journey filled with ups and downs but God always new what he was doing. We rely on his timing and will except nothing less. It's God's time for us to have baby #2 and we welcome it with open arms.
God is so good and he continues to bestow his blessings upon us. What a miracle this is!
Children are a gift from God; they are his reward. Psalm 127:3
**Before you get to excited stay tuned for Part 2**
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Dog Days of Summer
In the dog days of summer wouldn't you know our luck. Sunday night we lost our air conditioning and we just got relief this afternoon. Yesterday and today we had record heat and it was the hottest days of the year yet. Emma and I got creative in the activities that we did because we sure weren't going to hang out inside our 90 degree house. We went to the movies, Chick-fil-a, swimming, shopping and out to dinner! A lot of money later and one broken coil in the AC unit, we are now in the process of cooling down the house. Oh how things could be so much worse. We now appreciate our air conditioning so much more.
We are so blessed to have shelter, food and so many other privileges. How could we complain about such minor things in life? It really puts thing into perspective for us.
We are so blessed to have shelter, food and so many other privileges. How could we complain about such minor things in life? It really puts thing into perspective for us.
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