Day 8

Haven taken off since my last round in December I hadn't a clue of what I would be getting myself into this go round. From the moment I took my Progesterone shot 3 weeks ago I've been a basket case, irritable, tired and just plain hard to be around. I guess you quickly forget the toll all of this medicine takes on you physically and especially mentally and emotionally. Gee whiz. For that alone I told Phillip that I'm not so sure I want to continue if this round doesn't work. We are hoping that is does but you always have to prepare yourself just in case. But then things like this happen...

Early Wednesday morning Emma and I were driving home from having done my ultrasound and given my bloodwork and she asks me, "Mommy you feel good?" I said, "Yes, baby! I feel great!" (At the time I really did feel good.) I asked her if she wanted to have a baby brother or baby sister and she said, "No." Ok then...

So today we were coloring and it was my turn with the paper and she would tell me what to draw. We started off with a Mommy, Daddy, Baby and then out of no where..."brother." I guess she's decided that she wants a brother now. We'll see what we can do about that.

I do have good news to report. Last year with Phillip's previous company, we had an 80/20 prescription plan. That added up to A LOT of money spent on medication. This time I got 3 vials for only our $50 copay!!! I almost fainted on the floor when she told me. I found myself thinking God for His divine plan for our lives and directing Phillip to this new job. We continue to see many blessings flow from this. God is good!

Dr. L is keeping me on the same dosage of 112iu's over the weekend and then I go back for my ultrasound and bloodwork on Monday morning. My estrogen is slowly climbing up but I mean S-L-O-W-L-Y. Wednesday it was 44 and today it was 55. To trigger ovulation he wants it to be over 1000. So we need to make some progress in the next few days or they will cancel my cycle.

Besides Emma getting us up at 6:10am this morning we are both beat. We had a full day and are settling in for a girls night of movies. Barbie Mariposa here we come! For me I rented P.S. I Love You and Till Death Do Us Part. Hopefully one of those will be funny. I could use a good laugh.

The Gospel and Marriage

We've been going through the Gospels at church and I thought I would pass this along for those interested. We should all be interested but it's always a great reminder of how God intended marriages to be. If you have an hour we highly encourage you to listen. I download them to my ipod and listen to them as I cook dinner or am at the gym.

May God bless your marriage.

http://www.brookhills.com/media/page_audio_chrono_2008.htm

Tonight's the Night

Here we go again! Tonight starts my first night of shots. We are going after it again. This time around I am doing the same exact protocol that I did with Emma. I've been taking 2.5mg of Prednisone every night. May 7th I went into the Dr.s office and he gave me the Progesterone and oil shot to get me to start instead of having to take the pills every night for seven nights. He said this should get things started in 2 to 3 days. Well me not being normal like everyone else took 17 days to start. As usual we chalk it up to God's timing and it'll all work itself out. The only thing different is that I am taking Follistem instead of Gonal-F. It's the same hormone drug just manufactured by someone different. We are also on a new prescription plan so I think my medicine is only going to cost us the $50 copay versus paying hundreds of dollars before. I think we will still get stuck with the $250 management fee but that's ok. Atleast the medicine won't be as expesive. That's definitely a bright side. I would love to have a late-March early April baby so we are saying lots of prayers and keeping ourselves busy so we don't let it consume our thoughts! We are so blessed to have Emma and she is all we need. But she thinks that she needs a brother or sister. Every morning she wakes up and the first thing she says is, "Mommy, I want to see friends today. Or, I want to go to the playground and see friends." I hope to have her a permenant friend soon. :)

So here's to estrogen cocktails for the next 14 days. Cheers!

Patrick Kane

Here's a picture of Patrick Kane who died at the triathlon.

http://ironman.com/columns/ironmanlife/kevin-mackinnon-reports-on-a-tragic-loss

Triathlete's death 'accidental'

Patrick Kane's family have decided not to have his body examined and they ruled his death as an "accidental drowning." For selfish reasons I was hoping they would do an autopsy but I guess we will never know. It's scary to think that he could have gone out in the water and on the second half of the swim swallowed a big gulp of sea water and drowned. I pray that the family is comforted by their decision and they can begin the hard process of moving on with their lives.

http://www.newsherald.com/headlines/article.display.php?id=2005

Georgia triathlete dies at GCT

http://www.newsherald.com/headlines/article.display.php?id=1946

1/2 Ironman Finisher!!!

Hooray for Phillip! We are so proud of you!!! He had a great race finishing an astounding 6 hours and 40 minutes! He is safe, alive and very very sore. Thank you Lord for keeping him safe and head smart today. Your perserverance is admirable. When you want something bad enough you'll go for it. You've got it!

Until the next race...

Update #4

"Myster Swimmer" died.

Update #3

At 10:45am we saw Phillip coming in from the bike ride! He's alive! Thank the Lord! (Not that I had any doubt that he wouldn't be.) He told me that the bike would probably take 3 hours so he's looking good coming in at well under 3 hours. Let's see how the run turns out. The haze is lifting and the blue skies are peeking through so it's going to be a tough one running in the blazing heat with the sun beating down on you. Let's hope and pray no one has a heat stroke.

We came up to get our bathing suits on and we are going to go down and watch Phillip finish the run and go have some fun!

**No update on the guy from this morning. I'm going to try and ask some of the medics that are hanging around if they have any word.**

1/2 Ironman Update #2

I feel horrible for not seeing him off as the bullhorns raided this morning but I would be with him in thoughts and prayers overseeing from the comforts of our condo and Emma still snoozing in the bed.

As I'm watching all of the sudden it catches my eye that they are pulling people out of the water left and right. All right, this triathlon thing is starting to scare me. In my hyper-hormonal state that I am currently in, (I am ashamed to admit the following.) I look (mind you I where glasses to see distances and they are currently not on my face) and see someone being pulled in behind a kayak! I squint to get a closer look. He did get up from the kayak and walk with a limp down the beach in a yellow cap, sleeveless wetsuit, he unzips, red gear underneath. I literally freak out, run inside, grab Emma and run out to the beach searching frantically for Phillip. No where in site can I see him.

What am I thinking? He's a strong swimmer and this is his best event. There's no way it was him. He would not give up. I look at the clock and he still has 10 minutes until he should make it to shore. We will stay by the ropes and cheer the other on as they come out of the water.

**Before you read the next paragraph you should no before hand that this guy was NOT Phillip**
All of the sudden to my left I see a jet ski race up to the beach carrying someone on the back. UNCONCIOUS! A team of paramedics rush over and immediately start CPR on the guy. They literally worked on him for 5 minutes put the tube down his throat continuing compressions and NOTHING! The man's wife or girlfriend found that he belonged to her and she started freaking out. The whole time I was holding Emma crying my eyes out and praying for the guy. I hadn't seen Phillip come out of the water yet so I was starting to freak out again. They were continuing to pull others onto shore that had given up. I hit my knees in the sand and just prayed. They finally put him on the ATV and took him to the ambulance to try and revive him. This guy was the picture of a triathlete. Slim and trim and in good shape. How could this have happened to him?

I was bound and determined to stand by the fence and wait until I saw him run onto the shore and into transition.

I never saw him come out of transition. He probably came out of the water when I was watching this man die on the beach. It'll be a great day when we see him. We are going down now to see if we can find his bike and then wait for him to finish the run. I'll update later.

1/2 Ironman

It's 6:45am and I'm lounging on my 12th floor balcony overlooking the beautiful (actually hazy) Gulf of Mexico. What am I doing up so early and what are we doing at Panama City Beach you ask? Phillip's doing the 1/2 Ironman Triathlon. Nuts? Yes! I'm beaming with pride and full of emotion as I sit here watching thousands of maniacs swimming half a mile out in "red flag" currents and turning around to swim the 1/2 mile back in. It's hazy so you can hardly see the buoys at the 1/2 mile mark. There are rescue boats, kayaks and canoes patroling the waters for people that need rescueing or just need to hang on the side for a quick break (no penalties for that.)

What I like about this sport is that it is generally a sport where you compete against yourself. But this weekend seems to be a bit testosterone filled even though there are many women around doing the race too. I should usually fit right in with my high testosterone levels and all but not today. I am estrogen filled.

The Power of Positive Thinking

Isn't amazing how you can be so positive and excited about something and then someone comes in with one sentence and rains on your parade. The power of positive thinking may not actually "make" things happen but it sure makes the process of waiting that much easier. It's a lot more pleasant to think happy thoughts then walk around with a cloud above your head.

Sorry...

It's been almost a month since I've last posted. I would have given up on me if I was on the other checking my blog for updates. But here I am again and still alive and thriving. Well I don't know about thriving but alive none the less. It seems these days I trade one illness or complication for another.

It's been a month since my endoscopy and life's been good. Virtually pain free except for the annoying diarreah (sorry so intimate) which comes on out of nowhere, cramping beyond comprehension and will last until I take my medicine which relieves it all together. Skip to the next paragraph if you don't like me getting graphic. It gets so bad that I know have two hemorrhoids (one which is from two years ago when I had Emma.) I cramp so bad that I feel like my buns could fall off. It's just not right.

So I go back May 13th for a follow-up. I did have to call one time last week to have Dr. L switch my medicine up because my stomach was starting to ache again and I knew I just couldn't go there again. I don't know if the medicine was starting not to work anymore or that stress brought it back on???

Let's talk about stress for a moment. I believe my stomach issues came on due to the intense stress we were dealing with back in Jan/Feb with Phillip's job loss. I was strong on the outside and for the most part on the inside but whenever I happened to be away from home I would loose it and get upset. I internalized all of it because I needed to be strong for him and support him. What good would it have done if I cried and boohooed everyday? Wouldn't have gotten him a job any faster and sure wouldn't have made the days go by any quicker. I knew in my heart that God had a plan for us but it's still hard seeing your husband hurt.

So once we got things under control with medicine life's been great! I've actually shed a few pounds, I'm not as bloated as I once was and at night I don't sweat through my night shirts.

Stress does crazy things to your body. A week ago I was having sleepless nights lying awake with things very heavy on my heart. One night turned into several nights. A cranky Ashley is not a very pleasant Ashley. Needless to say a combination of things were going on and my stomach started aching.

**Side Note** Since summer is approaching our activities have ended for the summer. So we've had to be creative in how we spend our days. I started cutting the grass for Phillip every Friday so that we have several more hours on the weekends to spend together as a family. We'll cutting the grass has kicked my allergies into high gear. I can only take the red sudafed to clear me up. Well this has sent my heart rate into the sky. So now I've stopped the sudafed and deciding whether I should cut the grass again. I do not need to add Hypertension to my list of ailments.

Anyways, Dr. L has switched my medicine and we are going to see how this works out. Right now it makes my a bit sick to my stomach for about 30 minutes and then goes away. I'm working on getting back to the gym 3 days a week to try and prepare my body to try and get pregnant soon. I'll write more later. I promise. :)