Monday June 2, 2008
Boy was this a hard day. My melt down had been coming for the past couple of weeks but it's always unexpected but afterwards relief fills you. Emma's been waking up super early these days so that doesn't help things. We were up at 6:10am even before the alarm clock went off. So we were out the door by 8am so I could be at Dr. L's office before 9am. Schools out so I thought traffic would be smooth sailing. I was wrong. My normal way of going to the Dr.'s was at a stand still so I detoured myself and ended up in a worse traffic jam than if I went the normal way. I was 10 minutes late and super afraid that they labs would have left before I got there. Luckily one of the nurses called to see where I was and they waited for me. Seems like I wasn't the only one who got caught in all of the traffic mess that morning.
Emma gets spoiled at the Dr.'s office. It's not often when women have children and probably even more odd that someone has a child and still has to come to the fertility clinic. Emma is my best buddy and goes everywhere with me. She's greeted with smiles and hugs and special treats when she goes with me. She knows where the lollipops are and who has special stashes. In the lab they have special Dora bandaids waiting for her to put on her babies that she brings in with the stroller or to put on herself. Maybe one day Emma will be a doctor. She loves to sit beside me when I get my ultrasounds done and watch what she calls "the video."
So after the stressful morning we headed over to the botanical gardens to check out the roses and hydrangas. This was a fun stop and Emma enjoyed smelling all the roses and pushing baby all over the place. I was amazed at how beautiful their hydrangas were and I got excited when I saw that they actually sold them in their gift store. I about fell over when I saw the price tag that was $49.99 for an either 5 gallon bucket or it may have been 10 gallons but none the less it was way more than I wanted to pay. So I went and stole some out of a random person's house. Well, actually the house was vacant and for sale and were right on the road. So was that really technically stealing if no one lived there? I just took a few branches so I could try and propagate them. Lord, please forgive me for stealing. I actually do feel bad now. Since I couldn't go and put them back I came home and planted them yesterday so we'll see if they grow. If not, my mother-in-law is propagating some from her backyard that I'm sure will grow as they should. After all, she was the president of the Garden Club in her hometown last year.
So I got the phone call from the nurse telling me that my estrogen had increased to I believe it was 95 or so. Give or take a few points because I'm writing this several days later. I was so upset. My follicles are just not taking off and my estrogen is slowly increasing. Here insues the meltdown. I realized that I really did want this to work this time. I'm freaking out because they could possibly cancel my cycle this go round and I don't want that. I want to keep plugging away. We are headed out of town soon and I need to be done with the ultrasounds in just a few days and I don't know if I'll make it. Totally stressed out. I'm so over my weight and how I've let myself get to this point. I call Phillip and cry. We agree that I should cold-turkey chocolate. I then proceed to empty out the cabinets and fridge of anything that has chocolate and I feel better. It's been 2 days since I've had chocolate. That's a big deal! Well I do have to admit I cheated last night. We had a Girls Night Out over at my friend Kristine's house and she made brownies so I had one. It's still better than what I've been doing to myself over the past week. No, correct me over the past seven years.
I packed Emma up and we headed to the gym to work out some frustrations and I start to feel better. That's after I also called Leanne and cried on her shoulder for a while. :)