This morning started off just like the other ones when having to get up early and head in to the Dr's office. Emma and I woke at 7am and got dressed and headed out. I got poked, prodded and violated and then we were off to run our daily errands.
I'm sitting at the computer looking for macaroni and cheese recipes for dinner tonight and I get the phone call from my nurse. My estrogen is 51. Down a point from two days ago. She talked to Dr. Lucas and he wants to cancel my cycle for the month. I'm on cycle day 8 and my estrogen isn't taking off but actually decreasing.
I was a little numb at first and like oh well. As I was holding Emma on the couch after her nap I sat there and let it hit me. I cried and got it out as much as I could. I know the Lord is with me holding my hand and wiping my tears. He will pick me up another day and carry me through.
Phillip called armed with more information about trials and questions. Fierce, protective, demanding a meeting with the doctor and on a mission to beat this. The more we talked the more the sinking feeling came over me that maybe we won't have the large family that I had always dreamed of. Maybe we will always be the family of 3.
God is good and we will remain faithful. We will continue to be optimistic and look forward to what 2008 will bring!