Wednesday, December 5, 2007

November 2007

After the emotional and physical roller coaster that I/We have been on the past several months Phillip mentioned to me that maybe I should take the rest of the year off from any treatments.

What? October, November, December, 3 WHOLE months? Enjoy Emma's birthday and the holidays.

The thought was a bit enticing for the two seconds that I entertained it. Then I started thinking that I would be a whole 3 months behind trying to get pregnant. I don't really want to put it off for another 3 months if one of those months could be the month I could get pregnant. I banished the thought from my head.

Let me tell you a little bit about Phillip. He's the best husband ever. His family tells me he's the most like his Father. Sadly he passed away 17 years ago so I never got to meet him. Phillip is patient, kind, driven, dedicated, half full and has the biggest heart. He wants to provide for his family and never let us down. He hates to say "no" to me and I usually get whatever I am after at that moment. This I know about him. But if he really feels strongly about something, he'll let me know and we compromise.

I had my heart set on continuing on with my treatments the month of November and Phillip graciously went along with it.

Friday, October 26th I started my round of Prometrium taking 1 pill a night for 7 nights to start my period. I'm usually timely with starting several days after finishing the Prometrium but 3 days passed and nothing. Five days, eight days and nothing. I started freaking out. What else could possibly be wrong with me now? I could pretty much count on starting within a certain date after the medicine and now I can't even do that. I called my nurse and she said it could take up to 2 weeks after you've finished taking the medicine to start. Gee whiz that's a long time. So I continue to wait. Finally, day 10 after taking 7 days of the medicine I start. I've never been so excited to start a period.

Monday, November 12th I went in and had my baseline ultrasound excited to be starting the treatments again. I already had my medicine at home waiting for me in the refrigerator I was just waiting for the ok to start them again. I was on the table and they were scanning my right ovary and things were looking good. Nurse Michelle was assistanting on the ultrasound for the first time (I was her trial run) and she started to scan on my left ovary. She turned to the tech and said, "Oh my gosh, what's that big black spot?" The tech looks at the screen and immediately says, "Oh no! She has a cyst! Her cycle for the month is canceled."

As I lay on the table, feet in stir-ups, covered in a plastic drape, I stared at the screen knowing my fate as tears streamed down my face. I'll be sitting out yet another month. That makes two consecutive months of no treatments. I was so upset. Nurse Michelle talked to me and said that she would see what Dr. Lucas would want to do now and she would call me later to confirm.

I went to pick Emma up at Phillip's work and of course when I got there I cried some more. What am I going to do now. What does God have in store for us? I picked myself up and soldiered on. After all I still need to be a good Mom to Emma and not let her down. I can only be so sad and let it get me down. I'm a Mom. Put on your happy face and carry on. That's exactly what I did. I have 2-3 days where I am bummed but I get through them and then I'm fine after that until next go round. It's the in between and the not knowing either way whether we will be able to concieve another child. If I can't get pregnant I know in my heart I'll be ok. It's the struggle getting there.

God will not give us more than we can handle. I know that I am going through infertility for a reason and that the Lord will use me. I'm excited to be His tool and can't wait to see what comes of it.

My cyst was in fact 4cm and Dr. Lucas wants to wait another month to see if the cyst will dissolve on it's own. If it does not dissolve they will either give me medicine to help it dissolve or they will have to go in and do surgery. This is my first time knowingly having a cyst so I'm not sure what to expect or how my body will handle it. I do know that it will be atleast the first of the year until we try another round of treatments if my cyst does in fact dissolve on it's own.

1 comment:

Searching said...

I had a cyst 5cm once and that sucker HURT! I ended up getting some anaprox and that helped a little bit, but until it resolved it was a very painful 6 weeks. I don't know if it burst or slowly went away, but it took about a month from when the doc felt it (male doc squeezing my ovaries- NOT fun) to my follow up when it was gone and I was out of pain. Hopefully it will be even quicker for you!

Thanks for your very thoughtful and thought-full comment. So much to think about with this procreation business.