Positive or Negative?

Since I do not ovulate on my own and I so obviously need medical intervention for this to take place we do not get the element of "Surprise! I'm pregnant!" that most people get to experience. For that very reason we wanted to keep the fact that we were going through infertility treatments again quiet so we could also experience the "Surprise!" factor with everyone we told. Since it was fairly easy looking back getting pregnant with Emma we figured the second time would be easier.

July 22nd we were leaving to go on my family vacation for a week at Seacrest Beach. Everyone (Mom, Dad, Mike, Shannon, Brooks and Claire) had come in Saturday and spent the night with us before convoying down Sunday together.

July 22nd, two days before I was supposed to take a pregnancy test, the day we were leaving for vacation, I started my period.

Devastation.

Sadness.

Reality hits.

Tears come.

I go back to bed.

I finally got myself together, showered, prayed, and knew that God would get me through this. The week of vacation was a nice break to get away but was not an easy one. I was supposed to be checking for my positive pregnancy test that Tuesday but instead I was trying to deal with not being pregnant and not showing how upset I was.

Why was it all so much easier before? I know we are so blessed to have Emma and I thank God for her everyday. I ache so much in my heart to provide a brother or sister for her. A playmate. A best friend. Someone who she can talk about us to and the other will understand exactly.

August I will have to sit out and we will try again in September. Until next time...